Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   If you can read this please let me know because, it means I blocked the wrong person. I'm still getting used to this Stupid timeline!

   A psychologist cannot change a light bulb unless the light bulb really wants to change.

   Sitting in here in Mugg & Bean sippin on my coffee, watching as a group of raucous and untamed black youth walk by in a ghetto wolf pack. Yep, I can smell discounts and knockoffs on everything they wearing, including personalities.

   The current administration is finally getting through to people. I can not count how many people I saw going "Green" yesterday! These are truly exciting days!!!

   it just me....but when I am trying to insert a straw into a Capri Sun I feel like I am trying to start an IV.

   All the immortals survived St. Paddy's Day I see? Let us mere mortals now join our brethren and worship at our place of choice to further along that regressive human trait known as hypocrisy.

   If you have to ask "You know I'm saying?", you probably didn't make your point very effectively in the first place.

   Sometimes I forget every thought I've ever had and stare at the phone, wondering why it's in my hand

   Today we celebrate the man who brought Christianity to Ireland by drinking hard enough forget everything he taught.

   Just watched Die Hard 2. People in 1990 sure knew how to shrug off a plane crash.

   Miracles do happen even on Facebook and Twitter. Come Sunday and suddenly everyone becomes a preacher.

   What's Rick Ross's wost nightmare? Dying from breast cancer.

   Hands don't make the music, the soul does.

   "Wish you were here" - me, thinking about the wine that is in the fridge

   just here to establish my alibi.

   swears that about a third of my life is spent trying to remember why I have entered a room.

   remember people...st patricks day means to wear green clothing....not to drink till you turn green in the face. dont go out drinking too much tonight

   respect whoever allowed women into the military. Girl on period + gun = unstoppable

   When your world is falling apart, when it seems like things can't get any worse, please remember...I don't give a s$it.

   Laughter is not the best medicine...Large amounts of beer, now that's the best medicine!