bego Funny Status Messages

   I always feel a little kinky whenever the lady at Starbucks asks me if I'd like whipped cream on it.

   Even a turtle only makes progress when it sticks its neck out.

   Topless pictures of the Royal Family don't shock me as much as pictures of them doing manual labor would

   ❒ Single ❒ Taken ✔ I'm just ready for summer 2013.

   A true friend thinks you're a good egg even though you're slightly cracked.

   So they pay $1 million for commercials of starving kids but they can't feed them?

   We will probably never understand why girls fall madly in love with douchebags.

   Cougars: The younger women may have the energy, but they have the experience.

   The words that make you remember every bad thing you've ever done in your life = "I need to talk to you."

   Why the f$ck are you driving under the speed limit when you were in such a hurry to pull out in front of me?

   They will take you for granted as long as they know you will always take them back.

   There are two types of people who can tell you the truth about yourself: an enemy who has lost his temper and a friend who loves you dearly.

   You unfriended me? Wow, you sure taught me a lesson.

   It's God's job to judge the terrorists...it's our mission to arrange the meeting." -U.S. Marines

   Ugly girls are like prime numbers - nothing will go into them except themselves.

   Wait, did Peyton Manning get traded to the Broncos or the Falcons?

   The moment you understand the value of life, is the moment you die.

   The perfect woman: 1. Beautiful but doesn't let it get to her head. 2. Intelligent without needing to prove it. 3. Funny as hell.

   Mission Impossible: Not eating a French Fry on the way home from the drive thru.

   I hate when I walk into Abercrombie and Fitch and I see pictures of me, all over their walls..