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Whenever Kids Says Mummy I Love, Just Say Start Talking Because They Need Something
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07-23-2020 08:25 by
BabyLu
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I tried having a personal relationship with God. But he said he only liked me as a friend.
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07-23-2020 08:24 by
MigdaGwig
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My friends treat me like God. They completely ignore my existence until they need something.
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07-23-2020 08:22
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Remembers when the only fake news was the National Inquirer
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07-22-2020 19:10
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I’m already an idiot, I just need a village
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07-22-2020 13:36
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When I see a parked car with the stick figure family on it, I move the husband over and put my studly stick figure next to the wife.
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07-22-2020 13:33
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My Rice Krispies were speaking in tongues this morning, so I’m pretty sure the end days are near.
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07-22-2020 13:31
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I like my sentences like I like my women: awkward but with good colon usage and regular periods.
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07-22-2020 13:31
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From the looks of this gas station bathroom, I missed an alien autopsy by 10 minutes.
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07-22-2020 13:29
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Do women who complain about never getting laid know about men?
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07-22-2020 12:39
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Half the time I hug anyone I’m just wiping my hands off on their back.
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07-22-2020 12:39
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Remember Darth Vader took his mask off once and died within minutes.
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07-22-2020 09:06
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All Women Do Is Drink Wine And Order crap Off Amazon
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07-22-2020 03:46
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I apologize for the coin shortage. I started a swear jar.
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07-21-2020 19:33
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Let’s change the Redskins name to DC Marvels!
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07-21-2020 10:53
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All my childhood invisible friends are probably doctors and lawyers now...good for them
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07-21-2020 09:16 by
SlowMotionNinja
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Welcome to the epoch of divisiveness.
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07-21-2020 08:37 by
Hey,Mach
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My friend said he doesn't understand cloning. I said "That makes two of us."
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07-21-2020 08:05
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Crayons are a lot like M & M's, all the colors taste the same.
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07-20-2020 16:12
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I'd like to shake the hand of the guy who invented the snooze button... in like 10 minutes.
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07-20-2020 13:07
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