Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Search Messages:
Dick Clark is dead, secret service is out buying hookers, and Miley Cyrus is starring in a new movie called "LOL." The Mayans were right: 2012 is the end of the world. 
God made everything + everything is made in China = God is Chinese???
If I'm ever attacked by a gang of clowns, don't worry about me, cause I'll imediately "go for the juggler."
somedays it hardly seems worth it to chew through the leather straps
Roses are Red, Violets are Blue, I have a Gun , get in the Van
some girls are such sluts I wouldnt even poke them on Fackbook
D ick Clark has passed, we cant ring in the new year, well played mayans, well played
Yo, Tupac, I'm really happy for you; I'mma let you finish... but Princess Leia had the best hologram of all time. All time!
I am sure that in alcohol are female hormones. When I drink I talk too much and dont know how to drive.
Appreciate the little things. Hug a midget
Half way thru the day and I'm just realizing *now* I've got my pants on inside-out. Hello, Wednesday.
Being in a relationship is not about kissing, dates or showing off. It's about being with the person who makes you happy.
Accidentally used AOL.com to search for something today. I feel like everyone who works there probably high-fived each other and got really hopeful about the future.
Sex burns 25.7 calories per minute, with that being said, wanna work out? ;)
Facebook should invent a relationship status that says "Only when i'm drunk."
Ladies, If you would simply make your Facebook profile pic a bikini shot, it would save me a lot of awkward stalking time.
Everyone has that friend that needs to stop bumming and buy their own pack of cigarettes.
If your relationship status says, " It's complicated" then you're single!!!!!!
Crying is not necessarily a sign of weak character. Sometimes it is a sign of strong onions.
Tell someone you love them today, because life is short. But shout it at them German, Because life is also terrifying and confusing. 