santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   A nutsack is a guy's Christmas Ornament from God.

   I don't hate you, but I hope you want an iPhone for christmas and you get the 5c.

   If you get a call from a telemarketer, hand the phone to a three-year-old and tell him it's Santa Claus.

   FYI: The holidays are coming. If you do NOT want snakes please send me a notarized letter asking for NO SNAKES. Otherwise you are getting snakes.

   Since Jesus's birthday and Christmas are on the same day this year I'm only giving him one present.

   Christmas will be here sooner than you think. Forget the gifts and commercialization, make it a time to be Merry. Unless you live in San Francisco....then make it a time to be Mary.

   Taking down my Christmas tree would probably just be a waste of time at this point.

   Dear retail stores. August 21st is too damn early for Christmas decorations. Take them down. Now.

   Fellas; If your fiancé designs her own engagement ring, prepare for a life of sex on your birthday and holidays only.

   I can't believe people have nerve enough to still be shooting fireworks. They almost caught my Christmas lawn decorations on fire.

   I hate Mondays more than a midget hates getting a Yo-Yo for Christmas.

   People still shooting off fireworks better be careful that they don't hit any of the Christmas decorations they never took down.

   A Real Man Shows His Love To His Woman Daily. He Needs No Special Occasions, Holidays Or Her Birthday, He Just Spontaneously Does Things

   My neighbors tree fell during the storm last night. Ufortunately for them they will now need to take off their Christmas lights!

   when I was little, I drugged the milk to catch Santa. Next morning I found my dad passed out on the stairs. Well played Santa..

   I can hardly wait for asparagus season! The red and green colors in the toilet remind me of Christmas ツ

   People are like snowflakes. I only like them on Christmas.

   What do you get a liberal for Christmas? A tent so they can not work like the rest of them.

   The chupacabra does not deliver presents on Cinco De Mayo

   "Tyler Perry presents: Tyler Perry in Tyler Perry's Tyler Perry."