BEGO Funny Status Messages

   Only those who dare to fall in love will grow a lot wiser.

   One of the most important things I've learned in life is to have at least one person with whom you never need to explain yourself.

   Not feeling pain does not make you strong. Strength comes from feeling pain, dealing with it, getting over it and moving on.

   Whenever I meetr somebody who has a kid, they have to show me a photo of their kid. But then when I show them a photo of me to show to their kid, I am weird.

   I accidentally bumped into my ex today... with my car... at 60mph... on purpose.

   Taco Bell sells tacos. Whataburger sells burgers. Chicken Express sells chicken. Panda Express are lying basta?ds!

   The problem isn't government assistance for people who need it. The problem is government assistance for people just because they can get it.

   Mentally preparing yourself to step out of the shower during winter.

   I'm ready for hoodies, bonfires, cuddling, and the beautiful colors of fall.

   I miss being able to slam my phone shut when I hang up on somebody. Violently pressing "end call" just doesn't do it for me.

   Relationship Advice: The person with the longest text message response time has the upper hand.

   Technology is creating all kinds of new psychological problems. Losing a cell phone can put almost anyone into a panic attack, followed shortly by separation anxiety disorder.

   Be your own best friend. Everyone will be jealous.

   Sometimes people who joke around the most have the least to laugh about.

   Whoever put "good" and "morning" together deserves a good slap in the face.

   Remember before the internet when people ate food and didn't need to tell everyone about it?

   Women: the only problem I don't mind "wrestling" with.

   Get a big metal box, label it "TIME CAPSULE" and take a big dump in it so people know what 2012 was like.

   Obama probably called Romney and said "I don't see how you can hate from outside the White House, you can't even get in.

   Black Parents: "When we get in this Restaurant you 8, OKAY?" Son: But mama I'm 12 . Mom: *SMACK* "Listen Here, Yo a$s is 8 you hear me?!"