Funny Status Messages

   Doctors handwriting: ﹏﹏ ﹏﹏ ﹏. What I see: ǽ₮∂￦￡. What the pharmacist sees: Aspirin you dumb ass.

   a tip to reduce weight, first turn your head to the left and then turn it to the right. Repeat this exercise every time you are offered something to eat.

   doctors finally figured out whats wrong with peoples brains; on the left side, there's nothing right; and on the right side, there's nothing left…

   always learn from mistakes of others who took your advice

   If you didn't want me to do you then why were you saggin your pants?-Inmate 2541

   I have come to the conclusion that I have a mammographic memory...

   Mark Zuckerburg is worth billions. Yet, he marries Priscilla Chan. He would have been better off with a mail order bride.

   I don't know the question, but sex is definitely the answer.

   I never understood why women always have their hands in their bras. Then last night I found myself watching TV with my hand in my pants. It finally occurred to me...when you've got something great, you want to hold onto it. :)

   Mark Zukerberg getting married already cost him a fortune......

   Wanna feel old? This years high school graduating class was born in 1995.

   You'll have to speak up, I can't hear you in the dark.

   Mark Zukerberg should have changed his status instead of Married..to "Its Complicated" - looking at his failing IPO

   MY Grocery Store is so environmetally conscience it doesnt give paperbags anymore- jsut plastic...OH but they still havent figured out howNOT to give a 3 ft receiept for buying jsut a loaf of bread!!!!!!!!!!!!!

   All the Auto-Tune in the world will never ever sound as cool as talking into a desk fan.

   You never realize what you have till it's gone. Toilet paper is a good example.

   Doctors handwriting: ﹏﹏ ﹏﹏ ﹏﹏. What I see: ∮₪₮￦￡. What the nurse sees: Aspirin.

   “Leftover Bacon” – a phrase you've never heard before.

   The middle class does not exist. If you believe you are part of the middle class, it just means you're rich and insecure or poor and misinformed.

   I am struck by the ill. Bring me the Quils, both Day and Ny.