santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   Going to one of those places where you chop down your own Christmas tree, and then try to get away before they catch you.

   What do people with spinning flashing inflatable Christmas lawn ornaments think is tacky?

   Dear Santa, Please get Apple to replace Siri with Channing Tatum

   Nothing says thankful and greatful like puching your fellow man in the mouth for $30 off a cheap TV made in China. Now get out there and fight for your kids presents, cause whats a great Christmas without a war story for the kids..

   While discussing the costliness of gifts, my wife's family has decided to draw names out of a hat for Christmas on Thanksgiving Day this year. Too bad I couldn't draw the name of a different family altogether for Christmas.

   The worst part about watching The Food Network while my mother in law tries to follow their recipes during the Holidays is the sad fact that they don't deliver.

   I blame all this snow on people who think its fun to decorate for Christmas before thanksgiving. ... mother nature just went along with them. ...so they cant b*tch..

   Just got her first early Christmas present. A sweater!.. All she really wanted was a moaner or a sceamer.

   Its that time of the year where the work office decides to do secret santa again and this time its under $25....I'm getting my co-worker a pack tooth brush with about $30 worth of tooth paste!

   In further keeping with the new American tradition of ruining holidays by starting them early and hurrying them along...I put up all my Christmas decorations yesterday, and took them back down this morning.

   Instead of exchanging gifts at work for Christmas I wish we could exchange families.

   to Santa, "My Mommy doesn't belive in you! Santa to kid, "Tell mommy to stop believing Obama!"

   A lot of kids were upset when they found out Santa was not real, I was more creeped out the fact my parents made me take a picture sitting on a strangers lap and kept it for years.

   Got my wife some lovely perfume for Xmas, its called Tester.. Hope she likes it.

   See how everyone forgot... The comet that will be here on December 25th, is just one of Santa's Reindeers

   Dear Santa... In reguards to my wish list last year, I wrote to you asking, "sex, for a change" Not "for a sex change"... Please fix this

   Judging by the music and decorations at Walmart we're only 3 days away from Fox News War on Christmas season.

   Since the Jonas brothers break up.. they've come to an agreement to see each other during the holidays. . .

   I'm thinking about asking Nicholas Cage to be in my daughter's Christmas play for $15 and lunch

   One day, as a little boy, I wrote to Santa Clause. "Please send me a little brother." Santa Clause wrote me back,,, "Ok, send me your mother."