life Funny Status Messages

   My romantic life is like a Ferrari....I don't have a Ferrari.

   When writing the story of your life don't let everyone hold your pen...

   Ever accidently throw something away and then later realize you actually needed it? Haha. I did this with my life.

   I can't wait to get to the part of my life where wearing suspenders with sweat pants is completely ok.

   I'd rather have Samuel L. Jackson narrate my life. No offense, Morgan Freeman...my life just requires multiple uses of the word motherf*cker.

   There has never been a saying more true in my life: You are not a third wheel! You are a majestic unicycle and they are your noble training wheels.

   ... Finally made it to that great part of the relationship where I can now fart and drink beer on the couch and she only gives me a dirty look ..... instead of running out of the room screeming! Life is good :-)

   We can all safely assume Cam Newton is crying himself to sleep tonight, tomorrow night, and quite possibly for the rest of his life.

   If someone ever tells you that you're putting too much peanut butter on your bread, stop talking to them. You don't need that kind of negativity in your life.

   Remember when you were 12 and were like "I can't wait to be older" and now you're older and your like "I hate my life, I want to cry everyday." LOL. Good times.

   I work hard so my dog can have a better life.

   My life may be a mess but at least I know the difference between "your" and "you're".

   Life as a college student at the bar....give me your biggest, strongest, cheapest drink.

   Dear justin beiber haters Please respect him.. I owe my life to him last year I was in a coma for 4 months due to a terrible car accident.. One day my nurse turned on the radio to Justin's song...I got up and turned off the radio

   I really think my life would be a lot better if my fitness app would just lower its standards

   Somtimes I get the feeling that maybe the love of my life got stuck up in a Condom

   Right now my life is about as organized as the $5 DVD bin at Wal-mart.

   I guess Paul Ryan won't be cheering for my Relay for Life team...

   Life is like a camera. Just focus on what's important. Capture the good times. Develop from the negatives. And if things don't turn out, just take another shot.

   Life gave me onions........ P.S. Onionade sucks.