Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   on the treadmill for over an hour and I must say it is much easier with roller blades

   Want to know who your friends are?...Tell everybody the truth and see who still hangs arounds you afterwards.

   Sexual frustration should recharge phone batteries...

   If you tell a lie and myth so many times, people will eventually believe it so much that they will actually fight to preserve it. Government and Religious institutions are incredibly crafty at this.

   Does anybody no CPR in Miami? Lebron James is doing the International choking sign again.....

   Hey I just met you. and this is crazy. But theirs the Kitchen. A sandwich maybe?

   just a thought...if you are a wanted criminal and your picture is all over the internet......an internet cafe is probably not the best place to hang out in.....

   “Can someone send me airtime?”, “Can someone buy me this nice pair of shoes I saw at the mall?”, “Can someone buy me a ticket to the Trey Songz concert?”, “Can someone bring me lunch to my workplace?” - a s1ut's facebook st@tus upd@tes.

   Here's an Idea. Instead of putting your hands on your hips to make you look thiner. Why don't you just lose weight?? Just Sayin.

   I don't care if Noones likes me I'm still going to post while drunk :)

   My first thoughts after hearing that Richard Dawson died were ... again?

   If I ever become a teacher.. I'm stapling McDonalds application.. To every failed test..

   Watch out. It's Monday. You'll probably step in some gum.

   Even as we speak, the Fine Young Cannibals try to find a way to revive their careers in light of recent news stories on cannibalism.

   Tomorrow is always fresh, with no mistakes in it

   Shot some fish in a barrel today. More difficult than you'd think.

   Your call is very important to us. Please enjoy this 45 minute flute solo.

   Tell your boss what you really think of him and the truth shall set you free.

   I ask Google all the questions I'm too embarrassed to ask other people.

   I was on the treadmill for over an hour today. Tomorrow I might even turn it on.