BEGO Funny Status Messages

   They should change wording on “check engine” light to “this shit's gonna cost ya

   Everyone pretends to die in front of their dog, just to see how they would react

   You're right, all guys are the same. It has nothing to do with you exclusively dating douchebags

   girls at hooters may be hot. but when it comes down to it, the ladies at subway are the real wife material..

   A kick in the nuts is above 9000 del (units) of pain, which is similar to giving birth to 160 kids and breaking up to 3200 bones at a time

   My iPhone just auto-corrected "f?ck you" to "whatever you say honey

   Hollister should offer complimentary gas masks and ear plugs when you walk in the store

   I hate liars, hypocrites, & people who take advantage of people who care about them

   I need to print some my Facebook friends' status updates on toilet paper so I can wipe my a?s with them

   Whoever coined the phrase "you don't know what you got till its gone" was talking about toilet paper, probably

   There's a difference between who we love, who we settle for, and who we're meant for.

   Kids, try dealing with bullies the way I did: Grow up to be smarter, wealthier and better looking than them and then add them on Facebook.

   The saddest people in the world always seem to be the nicest.

   When girls have a great night out, they talk about it for months. When guys have a great night out, that night will never be spoken of.

   There are the same number of people on Facebook today as there were people in the whole world in 1804

   When it comes to returning emails, I only have two speeds: within 3 seconds or within 3 months

   The karma of messing with a good girl is the h?e you end up with. This goes to all the players who think they are God's gift to women. Newsflash, you're not!!

   Best thing ever is when you see your X-Girlfriend and she is now your XL-girlfriend.

   Holding my phone while in the tub is similar to holding a loved one over a cliff.

   The Internet is a lot like ancient Egypt, people writing on walls and worshipping cats