life Funny Status Messages

   My life goal is to buy white jeans and spill grape juice on them.

   Sundays: Kinda wanna workout, kinda wanna eat loaded cheese fries, kinda wanna nap for five days, kinda wanna get my life together by 2:39 pm on Thursday.

   The amount of memes that relate to my life is becoming increasingly embarrassing.

   I've spent 83.2% of my adult life resetting my password.

   There no room for BS in my life unless it's Burritos and Salsa.

   My kid sent me a text asking to buy him some decaf, certified organic coffee... I wished him good luck in life.. I'll miss him.

   I would rather be known in life as a honest sinner, than a lying hypocrite.

   Life should be more like ice hockey. When someone ticks you off, you can beat the living daylights out of them then sit in the Penalty Box for 5 minutes.

   I have more conversations in my head than I do in real life.

   I've decided February is a trial month too, I'll sort out my life in March....

   A man mixed his wife's ashes with fireworks....so she could light up his life one last time.

   You can't always control who walks into your life, but you can always control which window you throw them out of.

   LIfe is simple. Be yourself. Find something you would die for. Be loyal to those who deserve it and tell the rest to go f*ck themselves.

   Lately I go to the restroom at the movies, but forget where I'm seated then return & just begin a new life in a new seat with a new family.

   I gave up on life when I picked up this girls phone and saw my contact name as "Free Food".

   I wonder what hamsters would type on a keyboard: Free me from this prison that is my life.

   My parents thought they were naming me something unique, but really they just signed me up for a life with a misspelled, mispronounced, never gonna find it on a Coke bottle name.

   The two best days of my life was when I got engaged and the day we broke it off. . .

   The two best days of my life: The day I got married and the day my divorce was final.

   Dear Girls: Happy Valentines Day!!! If a guy wants you to learn bodybuilding....it means you are the most important person is his life and he also needs a training partner.