Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I drink Coca-Cola to help clean off all of the pennies in my stomach

   I put a potato in the microwave and pushed the pizza button. But when the little bell rang, it was still a potato.

   Who called it “online shopping while sitting on the toilet” And not “buyarrhea”

   I miss the days when Twitter fights were about whether to pour the milk first or the cereal.

   Hope to get one dose of Pfizer and one dose of Moderna and just let them fight it out in my body

   I want my covid vaccine to be delivered via blow dart

   Waxing my car. God knows how it ever got to be so hairy

   Me: *whispering to husband* you are looking really hot in your suit. I’m surprised no one has hit on you Husband: well you’re here with me Me: oh yeah Husband: and we’re at a funeral

   What do geologists do on a day by day basis? I mean…haven’t we basically discovered all the rocks by now? I don’t get it.

   I happen to be writing to make you know what a remarkable discovery my cousin's daughter had using your site. She noticed such a lot of pieces, including what it is like to possess a wonderful helping mindset to have folks just understand some multifacete

   Trump 2024

   I'm your president now.

   Sure are a lot of gender reveals for their being no genders

   Manwich Sloppy Joe Sauce is changing its name to Genderneutralwich.🥫

   dupa blada

   Kill me pls

   Tiger Woods is struggling with his driving. A pull to the left got him into tree trouble.

   Anyone else impressed with the clown with no life who beefed up his "likes" to over 4,000 over a lame chicken joke. Oh, to be 9 again.

   Gas prices are shooting up faster than the Biden vote count at 2am...

   Marriage tip #12: Remember to always leave a healthy amount of cups and trash laying around your house. That way your wife always has something to clean up. A busy wife is a happy wife.