Funny Status Messages

   Marriage tip #12: Remember to always leave a healthy amount of cups and trash laying around your house. That way your wife always has something to clean up. A busy wife is a happy wife.

   My account has hacked, but if you receive an inappropriate message, it was probably still me.

   If a status update gets posted on Facebook and no one likes it did it really happen?

   Screw God, I'm worshipping the golden statue of Trump from now on.

   When Trump dropped bombs, the media was all over him. When Biden does, nothing but praise.

   A friend is someone who'll stop whatever he's doing to bring a change of underwear to you at Tio Ricardo's Guadalajara Cantina after you attempted and won the Montezuma's Revenge 50 Lb. Burrito and Enchilda Challenge.

   I love contactless delivery. They just throw the slop at your door and I run out like a little pig.

   Bombs are falling on Syria again, the kids are still in the cages, the $2,000 checks are still AWOL... But hey, at least Mr. Potato Head is now gender neutral!

   On a happier note... Cuomo is going down faster than Kamala Harris at the company Christmas party.

   How do I politely ask can I 😋 ur 😼

   Who’s up for joining me for some couples counseling just to see how long it takes until the therapist realizes we don’t even know each other?

   Does anyone know how long you can put chicken in the freezer? I put one in last night and it was dead this morning.

   If you think that a mustache is what made Mr. Potato Head gender specific, you've never met my cousin Vincenza.

   You know what it means now that Mr. Potato Head has been made gender neutral? Yep. No more Tater Tots.

   Prepare for what you can't Predict & Adapt for what you can't Control.

   My dear Girl ..I also became a writer by writing and wtiting about you .. !!

   n Germany they are preparing for the crisis by stocking up with sausage and cheese. That’s the Wurst Käse scenario.

   I'm also writing to make you be aware of what a incredible encounter our princess enjoyed reading through yuor web blog. She realized a good number of things, which include how it is like to have an excellent coaching nature to make men and women really e

   Fun Fact: At the end of Titanic, when all the people are dying in the water, you can hear a faint, "Marco" and then an even fainter, "Polo."

   What is another name for a farting contest? A wind-wind situation!