santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   I always try to see my relatives with love and affection during the Holidays. When I can't I try to see if there is more Bourbon available.

   He sees you when you're sleeping, he knows when you're awake, he knows if you've been bad or good 'cause...Santa works for the NSA.

   I just got a copy of Santa's naughty list and it is almost identical to my frields list.

   Megyn Kelly said "Jesus and Santa Claus are white" well if they weren't they live in Detroit and East St. Louis!

   I got this whole Christmas gifting thing on lock!! I bought my mom a fridge for Xmas a few years ago and still to this day every time she opens it....her face lights up

   Today is Friday, December 13th. I can't tell you how relieved I am that Christmas isn't on Friday the 13th this year.

   I'm at my wife's company Christmas party and there is like zero pus sy here. I hate Christmas.

   Kanye West agreed to play Santa Claus under the condition that children had to ask him what he wanted for Christmas.

   I'm white, but I'm not 'buy a Christmas gift for the Mailman' white.

   Finally I'm not being harassed by my family or coworkers for listening to Christmas Music. It was rough back in July.

   I wrap all my Christmas gifts in bubble wrap.....it's like giving two gifts in one!

   I always say "happy holidays" because I'm not sure if people celebrate anxiety or depression.

   Holiday Tip #37: Eat asparagus around the holidays. If you're anything like me, the green combined with the red in the toilet lends itself to a wonderful bathroom holiday ambiance

   I don't get "drunk" during the holidays I get "festive".

   With the holidays, I'd rather check my facebook than face my checkbook...

   I think they put "The Island of Misfit Toys" in the Rudolph Christmas special so poor kids know why they get crappy presents from Santa at Christmas.

   i bought all my Grandma's friends at the nursing home Ouija boards for Christmas so we can keep in touch in the New Year.

   "Christmas" Trees $5.00 per ft...."Holiday" Trees $20 per ft......Merry Christmas!

   Man I was so upset at my parents when they told me that Santa wasn't real, I stormed out of the house, got in my car and just drove and drove

   Unless your Christmas tree is electrocuting you, keep photos of that stupid sh*t to yourself.