santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   I really hope that I don't get another sweater for Christmas. I'd much prefer a moaner or a screamer....

   Pffft. The liquor store clerk just wished me a Merry Christmas as if he wasn't going to see me 14 more times before then...

   Santa Clause said to support gays. Now what am I gonna do? My two favorite omni-present imaginary dieties are contradicting eachother!

   Right now a FedEx driver is dropkicking your Christmas gift onto someone's front porch.

   Santa is a Republican 1. He sits on his butt all year long. 2. He has other people do all the hard work. 3. He then takes credit for giving away all the free stuff they made.

   I don't always cut down a fresh Christmas tree..but when I do, I pick the best one in my neighbors yard.

   Just remember this holiday season, if you say "May you kiss may ass" really fast... it will sound just like "Merry Christmas"!!!

   Santa is a Democrat: 1. He sits on his butt all year long. 2. He has other people do all the hard work. 3. He then takes credit for giving away all the free stuff they made.

   All I want for Christmas is you... Just kidding I want Money

   I bought a Christmas tree today and the guy asked me 'Will you be putting it up yourself?' I told him, 'No, you sicko, it's going in the living room!'

   Duck Commander releases new pen*s shape duck call just in time for the holidays.

   I was going to buy you a Christmas gift, until I Got High!

   I was going to buy Christmas gifts from my lottery winnings, I was close I had one number, I guess you'll have to wait till next year!

   if anyone is still shopping for Christmas gifts, this week is "procrastinator's week"

   The office Christmas party is a great opportunity to catch up with people you haven't seen for half an hour...

   When the kids are bad this time of year, I tell them I just burned one of their presents. If they're really bad, I say it was the puppy.

   If you don't think it gets lonely at the North Pole, take into consideration that Santa named one of his reindeer 'Vixen'.

   I see you have all behaved well during this year and for your present, Justin Bieber is going to retire from singing. - Yours Santa

   I dont even bother filling out the "From" field on gift tags during xmas. One look at the wrap job, and its VERY obvious.

   The cost of living has gone up so high that the chance of living it up- especially during the holidays- has gone way down.