aaron Funny Status Messages

   I raised an eyebrow once. He's an adult now, and he never calls or visits.

   It's always awkward when you run into your ex with a car.

   The bigger they are, the harder they hit.

   I'm so mean, I make my fish watch me eat pizza. And don't offer any.

   Fools rush in... and get the best seats in the house.

   The first step to recovery is admitting that you're a problem.

   I've never seen a shark throw up. That might be something.

   Normal people are weird.

   I think my girlfriend's hallucinating. She keeps telling me she's seeing other people.

   Wipe your mouth. There's still a little tiny bit of BS around your lips.

   The beatings will continue until morale improves.

   To all my Atheist and Agnostic friends. T_IF!

   We can sense paranoia and we are coming for you.

   Holding a grudge is letting someone live rent-free in your head.

   If everyday is a gift then today was socks.

   I'm saving myself for marriage. Sorry, FROM. Saving myself FROM marriage

   Don't make me use UPPERCASE.

   A save electricity sign: "Don't you hate it when someone turns you on, and then just leaves?"

   Ever sneeze so hard that it started raining

   Another day of saying stuff I don't mean and thinking stuff I don't say.