Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Your anger issues really flourish when you're hungry.
←Rate | 07-20-2012 10:18 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't care how long you've been married, the appropriate gift for an anniversary should be sex.
←Rate | 07-20-2012 10:09 Comments (0)  


   messageicon First time dating a French girl, I wanted to look classy so I ordered foie gras & a grand cru. She ordered burger & fries. Now I'm the b!tch in this relationship.
←Rate | 07-20-2012 09:45 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If by "people skills" you mean doing everything possible to avoid people then I have really good people skills.
←Rate | 07-20-2012 09:38 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You call it 'laziness', I call it 'laziness' too because I don't feel like coming up with an alternate excuse.
←Rate | 07-20-2012 09:36 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Morning wood should be renamed to "Try not to pee on the ceiling."
←Rate | 07-20-2012 09:29 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm not comfortable with the fact that there's a skeleton inside me.
←Rate | 07-20-2012 09:28 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Shouldn't love handles really be called hate handles since nobody really wants them?
←Rate | 07-20-2012 09:21 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you expect a good comeback, come back later.
←Rate | 07-20-2012 09:18 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Cheers to Friday & the weekend, but most of all thanks to good weather & friends who will get together!!!
←Rate | 07-20-2012 09:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Maroon 5's song "Payphone" - my kids heard that song and asked, what's a payphone?
←Rate | 07-20-2012 08:58 Comments (0)  


   messageicon There are only two things I want out of life! 1. Lose Weight 2. Eat!
←Rate | 07-20-2012 07:32 by Abraham Lincoln Comments (0)  


   messageicon got sacked from my job as a bingo caller last night. Apparently "A meal for two with a hairy view" is an unacceptable way to describe the number 69...
←Rate | 07-20-2012 07:26 by Vimvanvos Comments (0)  


   messageicon found it really hard getting over my addiction to the Hokey Cokey, but I've turned myself around, and I guess that's what it's all about....
←Rate | 07-20-2012 07:22 by Vimvanvos Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm a guy that loves to show a woman exactly what I like sexually. So I start off every first date with a 2-hour PowerPoint presentation.
←Rate | 07-20-2012 06:57 by Czovczov Comments (0)  


   messageicon I want to be a bartender for thirty minutes some night, just to put actual rocks in some drinks. Till I get bored. Or punched in the throat.
←Rate | 07-20-2012 06:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Somehow ended up falling asleep reading about plant sexuality last night. Gotta watch out for those polygamodioecious ones. Freaks.
←Rate | 07-20-2012 05:32 by Doc Noland Comments (0)  


   messageicon Finally got around to shaving my crotch after a few years. Its nice to see my knees again.
←Rate | 07-20-2012 05:22 by Doc Noland Comments (0)  


   messageicon So lately I've started describing myself as OPPOP. That's the opposite of popular and no, you may not use that.
←Rate | 07-20-2012 05:21 by Doc Noland Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you're an American who feels that you are represented in your government, please contact me. I love people with imaginations.
←Rate | 07-20-2012 04:15 Comments (0)  




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