Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Welcome to the United States...Here is your crack and handgun.....Welcome to Canada....here's your beer and hockey stick

   To the wonderful staff at Walgreens....Thanks for the bathroom key and I am deeply deeply sincerely sorry

   I wish I was a pirate, so I could explain why I swashbuckle.

   It takes 43 muscles to frown, and yet it's still not an Olympic event. Ridiculous.

   Homeless guy walking by this bar patio looked at me and said "I'm your future," and I was like "Sweet, we have a cool beard."

   just seen an illegal mexican boy get into a van with a pedophile. talk about alien vs predator

   Okay Canadians you win... When you convert Fahrenheit to Celsius, it's only 46.6 here in the states.

   Hey I just met you and this might seem crazy but give me good head and don't be lazy

   remember when you were a child, you used to blow bubbles? well he's back in town

   Gloria,,, Sometimes I still panic knowing that the rhythm is going to get me.

   Sometimes,,,, I don't like it at the grown-ups table.

   I don't like to boast,, So I don't....... I'm probably the best at not boasting,, Actually... The very best.

   The only thing that should be seperated by color is laundry♥

   Rest In Peace Sherman Hemsley aka George Jefferson.. You're differently moving on up to a deluxe apartment in the sky.

   writing in his new book "sex and pregnancy - a possible connection?"

   ''Please punch in your account number, phone number,and the last four digits of your social security, so I can transfer you so they can ask you for those same numbers again!''

   Archie Buinker & George Jefferson together again......in a much better place!!!

   Sherman Hemsley(George Jeferson) has passed on! In his own words he would probably say ''Somehow a Honky is behind this!!!''

   George Jefferson is dead!........''Moving on up to that apt. in the sky!!!'' R.I.P.

   How did flying babies in diapers wielding Bow & Arrows ever become a symbol of love?!!!