Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   She said the 'F' word. She called us Friends.

   ...“I always give 100% at work: 13% Monday, 22% Tuesday, 26% Wednesday, 35% Thursday, 4% Friday”...

   11 year old found on plane heading to Rome. Seems the Pope was ordering some take out!

   If women don't fool around, and men do fool around, who are the men fooling around with?

   its amusing listening to someone's lie when you already know the truth

   If you support traditional marriage you are not welcome in Chicago and Boston. "Don't judge me, but if you don't agree with me I will label you a bigot."

   just thnk this Generation will never know the joy of getting a hand written letter from a loved one..

   Just spilled a drop of my 5 hour energy shot. I'm guessing that means 4 hours, 22 minutes, and 7 seconds. Party on!

   Never make someone your first option when they make you their second option.

   Cap'n crunch without crunch berries doesn't make any sense to me

   laughing at all the lovey dovey posts today from the same people who were so miserable in the exact same relationships that they felt it news worthy enough to post how miserable, unhappy and thoroughly disgusted they were with that exact same person

   Dont take me for granted, because I will leave your a$$ in at a moments notice!

   Music becomes my best friend when nobody else understands me.

   Today I sent out a text saying, “Hey, I lost my phone, will you call it?” 12 people called me…I need damn smarter friends.

   Say Hello to my little friend (҂`_´) < ,︻╦̵̵̿╤─ ҉ ~~~ • • • \

   There is a button on my oven that says ‘stop time'. I am pretty sure it means ‘stop timER' but I don't push it just in case.

   That weird awkward run you do when a car lets you cross the street.

   Half of my Facebook friends are still there solely because their life is a train wreck and it's entertaining.

   The only thing I know about Women: They don't like being told what to do unless they're naked.

   Sometimes I look at my friends and think to myself, "Where did I meet these crazy people?" But then I think "What would I do without them?"