Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   writing in his new book "sex and pregnancy - a possible connection?"

   ''Please punch in your account number, phone number,and the last four digits of your social security, so I can transfer you so they can ask you for those same numbers again!''

   Archie Buinker & George Jefferson together again......in a much better place!!!

   Sherman Hemsley(George Jeferson) has passed on! In his own words he would probably say ''Somehow a Honky is behind this!!!''

   George Jefferson is dead!........''Moving on up to that apt. in the sky!!!'' R.I.P.

   How did flying babies in diapers wielding Bow & Arrows ever become a symbol of love?!!!

   Happy National Tequila Day! And tomorrow, enjoy National Hangover Day?!?!

   Politicians are the only people in the world who create problems and then campaign against them.

   Dear Woman who is wearing jeans with a huge hole near the crotch. Yes I understand that is fashionable, just not in the office…. unless you are smoking hot…

   Ladies be careful, some of these guys don't want to get into your pants, they want to wear them.

   This status sucks!

   A new poll found 44 percent of Florida voters think the country is on the wrong track, and the rest think JFK is still president.

   I wonder if you carpeted the sidewalks to cover all the cracks, if that would save all the mothers out there from paralyzation.

   FML! Met this hot guy at a bar last night.... All I can say is they weren't magically delicious.

   Alcohol is the worst thing in the world... My friend had a lot last night and ended up saying - "I love you" to his Own Wife !!!

   When Mitt becomes President put this as your status...MITT HAPPENS.

   So I just saw a church sign that said "Why pay for GPS, Jesus gives guidance for free." Do you think Best Buy would match that?

   Facebook asks what I'm thinking. Twitter asks what I'm doing. Foursquare asks where I am. The internet has turned into a crazy girlfriend.

   Relax........Let's get back to the important things in life! Like stealing eachothers status!

   My buddy ordered some Olympic condoms online - he told his wife he wanted to wear a gold one, but his wife said "wear the silver one and come second for a change.