Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon I was an Athlete in school. I Dreamt of running in the Olympics one day! Now, I dream of just getting my fat a$$ off the couch!!!
←Rate | 07-27-2012 13:33 by Abraham Lincoln Comments (0)  


   messageicon Unless someone want's to share, I'm staying single because all the good ones have been taken.
←Rate | 07-27-2012 13:05 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Every week almost 30 people die from FDA approved drugs while Marijuana remains illegal with 0 deaths.
←Rate | 07-27-2012 12:39 by BEGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon So I made up a new word: Ask-hole; someone who constantly asks for your advise then does the opposite of what you told them.
←Rate | 07-27-2012 12:39 by BEGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon All my life I've wanted to learn to juggle. I just never had the balls to do it.
←Rate | 07-27-2012 12:36 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  


   messageicon I called 411 and asked the operator ''I'd like the number for Melissa Fontana in Silver Spring, Md. ''There are multiple listings for Melissa Fontana, Do you have a street name?'' I hesitated ''Well, uh some people call me Snake!''
←Rate | 07-27-2012 11:17 by Abraham Lincoln Comments (0)  


   messageicon What is it about Adele's voice that makes me want to stick hot pokers in my eyes??
←Rate | 07-27-2012 11:13 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Today I will celebrate the opening of the Olympic games with my own feat of endurance: sitting at my desk all day...
←Rate | 07-27-2012 11:11 by sully Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm always on my ''Best'' Behaviour...It just so happens my Best Behaviour isn't very good!!
←Rate | 07-27-2012 11:07 by Abraham Lincoln Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just came from the Library and asked the librarian Do you have any books on ''How to find a job'' she muttered Most likely in the ''Fantasy Section!''
←Rate | 07-27-2012 11:05 by Abraham Lincoln Comments (0)  


   messageicon Im starting to worry that my Guardian Angel is a crack head!
←Rate | 07-27-2012 10:19 by Reznor Comments (1)  


   messageicon Samuel L. Jackson knows he can turn down movies, right?
←Rate | 07-27-2012 09:54 Comments (0)  


   messageicon They show sex on TV, but radio has 'Bleeps'.......Way to go FCC.
←Rate | 07-27-2012 09:03 by Danmanz Comments (4)  


   messageicon According to weather.com,,, there appears to be a HUGE ad for car insurance moving in from the west..... RUN FOR YOUR LIVES !!!!
←Rate | 07-27-2012 08:45 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm starting to get a wee bit tired of these retro ecards. I prefer reading status's in 3D, real time....
←Rate | 07-27-2012 08:34 by sully Comments (0)  


   messageicon Yes,, Grandchildren ARE our future,,, But they're ALSO the reason why there's a smooshed sandwich in my Pricey Blu-Ray player,,,,, Hmm, our future
←Rate | 07-27-2012 08:03 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ooo Ooo Ooo Sometimes... I get a good feeling... Like today... Cause it's FRIIIIIDAAAYYYYY!!!!!
←Rate | 07-27-2012 08:01 by BWalker Comments (0)  


   messageicon The problem with Chinese New Year is that you're ready for another new year only an hour later.
←Rate | 07-27-2012 07:56 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Can't You Just Let Me Watch The Damn Football Game?" – the Working Title of my new Childrens book
←Rate | 07-27-2012 07:54 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon You guys are SO lucky that I "like" posts on a curve
←Rate | 07-27-2012 07:49 by snotty Comments (0)  




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