Funny Status Messages
Search Messages:
If the Olympics has taught me anything it's that China may have a population of over 1 billion... but they only have two hair styles. 
$19.99 because $20 is an outrageous amount of money!
Dude, she has a Boyfriend! So, soccer has a goalie doesn't mean you can't still score!
If my Boobs sag any more people are going to think they are nuts!
Silver for Phelps : ( Someone should have taped a blunt to the other end of the pool, then he would have won the gold.
Daughter''Dad I am a lesbian!'' Sister ''Me too dad!'' Dad ''Doesn't anyone like guys around here?'' Son ''I do!''
hahahahahahahahaha=very funy hahahahaha=funny haha=not that funny
1 tequila, 2 tequila,s 3 tequiklas, 4 teuiqlas, 5 teiuqlsd, 6 teiqulkss, 7 eteiqlas, 8 treqiklasl, 9 travquikas, 10 trewquwtss
Fire up the bong...Michael Phelps won GOLD!! 19 Medals, 15 of'em GOLD!!
I hope Adele and Eminem never date, can you imagine what their breakup albums would be like!
Listen I'm not an alcoholic, they go to meetings...I'm a drunk we go to parties!
Nothing says ''I'm a fat a$$ like wearing a T-shirt in the pool!
When you break something at the store and nervously walk away!
I decorated my bedroom to look like a classroom so I can fall asleep faster!
I'm sex..unattractive and I know it!
It's not flirting it's being extra nice to someone extra attractive!
I heard India is going to outsource Electrical Grids from the US !
"Can't You Just Let Me Watch The Damn Football Game?" ~~ the Working Title of my new Childrens book, probably....
so....I just got a Booty Call from Life....apparently it still wants to keep screwing me.... :(
"Dijon found himself spread upon a bed of lettuce, atop a thin slice of turkey breast....enveloped by steamy buns....garnished with a sweet, crisp pickle...." ~~ Excerpt from my new book "50 SHADES OF GREY POUPON".... 