Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 335 of 6383
The world would be a better place if we all got along like the “Price Is Right” audience.
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10-28-2020 07:48
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I want to study goat psychology and write a book called, “Honey, I shrunk the kids.”
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10-28-2020 07:48
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‘Why do birds suddenly appear’ is my favorite song about a group of people giving me the finger while I’m driving.
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10-28-2020 07:47
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I broke up with my boyfriend last night because his wife snores too loud.
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10-28-2020 07:46
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What idiot called it “being a werewolf” and not “having a beast infection?”
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10-28-2020 07:45
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Did you ever notice how Smokey the Bear is always steering the conversation towards the subject of forest fires? Should we tell someone?
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10-28-2020 07:44
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Waking up late is a great way to see which steps of your personal hygiene are really unnecessary.
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10-28-2020 07:42
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Me: I don’t know…this one has a great turning radius but the other one just looks better. Husband: For God’s sake, just grab the next available shopping cart!
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10-28-2020 07:42
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I say elections should be decided with an old fashioned game of dodge ball.
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10-28-2020 07:41
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If I wake up at 4:30, I’ll have 2 uninterrupted hours to exercise, clean and make a healthy breakfast. *sets alarm for 6:30*
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10-28-2020 07:41
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*checks real estate listings on other planets*
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10-28-2020 07:41
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Has decided to sell my nudes, $5 to get one, $25 to NOT get one.
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10-28-2020 06:30
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This year's "must have" Halloween costume is a level 4 biohazard suit
Ferris Bueller did more in one day than I’ve done this year...
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10-28-2020 02:17 by MrSharp
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I asked my Alexa if she had any pets? who replied "I don’t have any pets. I used to have a few bugs, but they kept getting squashed"
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10-27-2020 20:37
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My dating life has been so bad since the coronavirus I asked my Alexa if she could be my girlfriend who said no I like you but only as friends.
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10-27-2020 20:33
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People who wear masks while driving are the reason why Pop Tarts come with instructions.
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10-27-2020 05:33
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I used to wonder why scuba divers fell backwards into the water. Then I realized if they fell forward, they'd still be in the boat
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10-26-2020 23:18
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It amazes me how much exercise and extra fries sound alike.
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10-26-2020 16:52
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I dont think my girlfriend likes my schizophrenia meds, because every time I take them she goes away
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10-26-2020 16:07
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