Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Progress is finally beginning to be made in this country. If you don't like it then leave!

   Guilty, on all three counts!!! Let the complaining and crying begin! I have my popcorn ready.

   What is it with the color, black, that makes you think of hard-core violence?

   I don't like the term An@l Bleaching. I prefer "Changing your Ring Tone."

   Gonorrhea would have been a great name for diarrhea medicine

   Inuendo - what else, but an Italian name for Preparation H.

   Magic Johnson wasted the best porn star name ever

   Sometimes, when I haven't had sex for a while, I like to go jogging in flip flops so I remember the sound.

   I could never cheat in a relationship, cuz that would require two women to find ne attractive.

   The bad thing about political jokes is sometimes they get elected. . .

   Some fairy tales begin with "Once upon a time..." Others begin with "If elected, I promise..."

   How Dawn clean ducks but not my spaghetti bowl??

   Why do we only rest in peace? Why don't we live in peace too?

   How many rounds of the vaccine do you need before you can stop wearing the tinfoil hat?

   What if you take Johnson & Johnson, Pfizer, and Moderna at the same time and just let them fight it out inside you?

   147 mass shootings in US already this year: let's make it easier to buy guns....2 cases of voter fraud in 2020: let's make it harder to vote (rolls eyes back).

   It's sad when I watch the news and the Weatherman is the one closet to the truth...

   Matt Gaetz says "I'm there, before the hair".

   Bruh. This pollen aint got no business seasoning us like we chicken.

   The only thing you can believe from CNN, MS-NBC, ABC, CBS, NBC and WaPo that resembles accurate and factual reporting are yesterday's sports scores.