Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Why do people re-post the same status? It wasn't funny 2 days ago. It's still not funny today

   I want to be rich enough to realize that I can't buy happiness.

   David Boudia.... the first US man to win platform diving gold since Greg Louganis, and just as gay.

   I was looking for a romantic spot to watch the meteor shower, but I guess the strip club here doesn't have a skylight.

   Chad Johnson was arrested for domestic violence...apparently he beat the crap out of Randy Travis.

   it too much to ask to get my free stolen ppv stream in HD?

   When I see a parent who doesn't give in to their kids tantrum,,, I want to give them the medal of valor

   Knowing your family so well that you can tell who's coming down the stairs and walking through the house just by the sound of their footsteps.

   Me watching olympics: oh wow, that was impressive! Announcer: ANOTHER DISASTROUS MISTAKE!

   "I wish there was a more convenient way to stalk others." - The phrase that started Facebook

   I hope the Olympics teaches kids and parents that in real life you do not get a trophy just for participating.

   I hate you but I'm not in hate with you.

   If you had to die, this would be the best way... Clint Eastwood shooting you while Morgan Freeman narrates it.

   It's not a real relationship until you secretly start to hate each other.

   The three reasons for liking a status: 1) I agree with you. 2) I realize this is about me, of course I'm gonna like it. 3) I like you.

   I think each Olympic event should include a competitor randomly picked out of the spectator stands to keep things interesting.

   Because of gas prices,, the Motor Trend Car of the Year for 2012 is walking.

   I have a friend that has 3 jobs. Weatherman, Politician, and car salesman. I don't think he's very truthful.

   To all the people who said that I'd never be able to write a joke about Bukkake: haha, in your face!

   Finished I couldn't believe it when my wife demanded sex the other night just before the start of the 100 meter's final but I have to say, I was pleased with my performance.I finished before Bolt.