Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon My most endearing quality would have to be knowing all the lyrics to Smash Mouth's "All Star"
←Rate | 08-15-2012 03:22 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Liam Neeson: "I will find you and I will kill you." Kid: "Dad it's just hide-n-go-seek!" Liam Neeson: "Right. Sorry."
←Rate | 08-15-2012 02:49 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear eyelashes, wish bones, dandelions, pennies in fountains, shooting stars, 11:11, and birthday candles. YOU FAILED.
←Rate | 08-14-2012 23:03 by BEGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon Women....why does your purse need a seat of it's own?
←Rate | 08-14-2012 22:31 by Danmanz Comments (0)  


   messageicon I like to zumba but usually its only because I'm either trying to put on my socks, tie my shoes, or put on my underwear!
←Rate | 08-14-2012 22:29 by Anonunknown Comments (0)  


   messageicon Mature content. Blood, intense violence, and strong language. Like a woman on her period.
←Rate | 08-14-2012 22:16 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Not to be vague, but stuff and things.
←Rate | 08-14-2012 22:15 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I believe in evolution by natural selection. But I have one big problem with it. Its not fast enough and there are too many safeguards in place not to let nature do its thing.
←Rate | 08-14-2012 20:34 by ff1241 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm at my best when no one is around.
←Rate | 08-14-2012 19:36 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm so hungry I could drink 5 more beers.
←Rate | 08-14-2012 19:35 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just got flipped off from a guy in a smart car. I didnt know if I should be mad or laugh.
←Rate | 08-14-2012 19:19 by Reznor Comments (0)  


   messageicon I was angry when my neighbors put a fence around their swimming pool but then I got over it
←Rate | 08-14-2012 17:17 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I should not be punished for you being stupid
←Rate | 08-14-2012 16:35 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When my kids look back on the photos of my life they'll think, "Wow, he wore that shirt a lot."
←Rate | 08-14-2012 15:47 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon FUN THING TO WRITE ON A POST CARD: "Weather is great, having tons of fun! Are you still planning to murder your mailman?"
←Rate | 08-14-2012 15:46 by SEAN Comments (1)  


   messageicon Unless you're a dog, you shouldn't be that excited to see me.
←Rate | 08-14-2012 15:03 Comments (0)  


   messageicon One nicely manicured pu$$y is worth two in the bush.
←Rate | 08-14-2012 15:01 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You had me at 'gender realignment scars'.
←Rate | 08-14-2012 14:44 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I had a star named for you. Now everyone can look up in the sky and say "look, there's the Tremendous Ass!".
←Rate | 08-14-2012 14:38 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I am so sorry they can't dislodge my stress ball from your ass :(
←Rate | 08-14-2012 14:33 Comments (0)  




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