Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 3312 of 6446

My most endearing quality would have to be knowing all the lyrics to Smash Mouth's "All Star"
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08-15-2012 03:22 by snotty
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Liam Neeson: "I will find you and I will kill you." Kid: "Dad it's just hide-n-go-seek!" Liam Neeson: "Right. Sorry."
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08-15-2012 02:49
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Dear eyelashes, wish bones, dandelions, pennies in fountains, shooting stars, 11:11, and birthday candles. YOU FAILED.
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08-14-2012 23:03 by BEGO
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Women....why does your purse need a seat of it's own?
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08-14-2012 22:31 by Danmanz
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I like to zumba but usually its only because I'm either trying to put on my socks, tie my shoes, or put on my underwear!

Mature content. Blood, intense violence, and strong language. Like a woman on her period.
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08-14-2012 22:16
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Not to be vague, but stuff and things.
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08-14-2012 22:15
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I believe in evolution by natural selection. But I have one big problem with it. Its not fast enough and there are too many safeguards in place not to let nature do its thing.
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08-14-2012 20:34 by ff1241
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I'm at my best when no one is around.
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08-14-2012 19:36 by Aaron
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I'm so hungry I could drink 5 more beers.
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08-14-2012 19:35 by Aaron
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I just got flipped off from a guy in a smart car. I didnt know if I should be mad or laugh.
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08-14-2012 19:19 by Reznor
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I was angry when my neighbors put a fence around their swimming pool but then I got over it
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08-14-2012 17:17
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I should not be punished for you being stupid
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08-14-2012 16:35
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When my kids look back on the photos of my life they'll think, "Wow, he wore that shirt a lot."
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08-14-2012 15:47 by SEAN
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FUN THING TO WRITE ON A POST CARD: "Weather is great, having tons of fun! Are you still planning to murder your mailman?"
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08-14-2012 15:46 by SEAN
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Unless you're a dog, you shouldn't be that excited to see me.
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08-14-2012 15:03
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One nicely manicured pu$$y is worth two in the bush.
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08-14-2012 15:01
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You had me at 'gender realignment scars'.
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08-14-2012 14:44
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I had a star named for you. Now everyone can look up in the sky and say "look, there's the Tremendous Ass!".
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08-14-2012 14:38
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I am so sorry they can't dislodge my stress ball from your ass :(
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08-14-2012 14:33
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