Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   There's no shame in being afraid. Hell, we're all afraid. What you gotta do is figure out what you're afraid of because when you put a face on it, you can beat it. Better yet, you can use it.

   : It's hard to fight the things we are afraid of. Sometimes we just need a little help.

   People don't hate you because you're beautiful. people hate you because you're a nasty b itch.

   At this moment there are 6,470,818,671 people in the world. Some are running scared. Some are coming home. Some tell lies to make it through the day. Others are just not facing the truth. Some are evil men, at war with good. And some are good, struggling

   I just want a girl who'll sin with me all week long and then sit next to me at bible study on Sunday.

   I promise to love you for better or until things get worse.

   Get off goddamn Internet, go out & live your life! I'll be here when you get back. :)

   I have ADHD. Yup..... high-definition TV in the years after the birth of Jesus.

   I have a confession to make, but I don't think any of you here are priests.

   I don't have an eating disorder so much as I have a doing the dishes disorder.

   Mind of a Human: "we need to save the Polar Bears" Mind of a Polar Bear: "I can't wait to eat another Human. Those things are damn tasty"

   Oh you jumped on the elevator to go ONE floor?,,, Your cankles must be so tired.....

   There's a difference between being tan, and looking like you've just been beaten with a bag of Cheetos.

   I have been considering spending $100 on a toilet brush. I think I need to gain some perspective as s hit doesn't deserve that much pampering.

   No we are not on different wavelengths. Don't blame physics when you're stupid.

   Denial (n.) Balding men with ponytails.

   I only have one sexual preference and that's as often as possible please.

   Apparently being a "Kid at heart" isn't a good enough excuse to have a Batman themed wedding :(

   I get jealous when my stalker stalks some one else!

   I'm high tolerance and low maintenance. What more could you ask for in a girlfriend?