Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Can facebook just give me one big ass button to press so that nobody is ever able to invite me to any event or group?

   Not everyone comes here for attention. Some just need a place to dump their thoughts to prevent them from driving them insane.

   I know you love me baby. I know. Which is why I got this restraining order on your ass.

   I've been wearing my GF's panties and stretching them out. Now she thinks she's losing weight.

   After further review, the runner did not touch second base, therefore the Celtics win! LMFAO! These refs are more of a joke then this status

   Are you freaking kidding me!!! These replacement refs are a bigger joke than John L. Smith...

   Maybe the Packers should have asked for a discount double check.

   Russell Wilson became the first QB in history to throw a game-winning interception."

   I haven't seen a call like that since Leslie Neilson was the ump in Naked Gun.

   I just witnessed a quarterback throw a game winning interception.

   The last time I saw officiating like that was a BW3 commercial.

   The NFL is the new WWE

   I hate when I lay in bed at night and my brain thinks about all the embarrassing things that I've been trying to repress into a terminal illness.

   Good hair day = New profile picture.

   Abracadabra!! Nope. Your still a fucktard.

   KFC's new "Chicken's Littles" commercial claim "Little is the new big".......poorly endowed men everywhere finally feel adequate after watching

   don't look back, you're not going in that direction.

   Hands up if your down to get down tonight!!

   I think I'm ready for a relationship. It's been a while since I've dealt with someone's ex drama, had my anxiety go through the roof or had my ego ripped to shreds. It sounds so tempting.

   Beiber Fever is so last year, its time for the GANGNAM STYLE!