SuthernFukr Funny Status Messages

   It's difficult for me to knock Scientology because most of the lies I've told for money were far more insane.

   I smile because I don't know what the hell is going on.

   Do you think they will have an end of the world sale?

   I missed that one episode of The Walking Dead where they show us how the zombies keep everyone's lawns so freshly mowed.

   Trying to understand quantum physics. Cause trying to understand women is just too damn hard.

   I never give money to bums because a.) They probably make more money than I do. b.) They work from home. c.) They get to drink on the job.

   What would it take to bring back fat Al Roker? I feel like we were a better America then.

   If antihistamines are used to make meth, then it stands to reason that meth will help my chest cold.

   You can call me many things but never, ever call me a 'scofflaw'. It's a stupid word.

   Stop 2nd guessing yourself! No seriously you should be 7th guessing yourself instead.

   Eating a Lunchable should be classified as an extreme sport.

   The LIKE button: also for choosing sides in a Facebook argument without saying anything.

   Happy "Most of Alabama Hates This Day" Day!

   Raisin cookies that look like chocolate chip cookies is the main reason why I have trust issues.

   Gotta check my undies; I just made a Joyful Noise.

   I wish this conversation had GPS because you lost me about 20 words ago.

   My friend's 3 year old asked me to marry her today & I said yes, but now I don't want to. (She's mean & she dresses weird)

   Nothing excites me more than seeing my knife shine in the moonlight. Now I wait.

   Dr. Phil died. I mean... he's dead to me. Close enough.

   We now live in a culture where ppl choose their insurance providers based on who has the most comedic TV commercials.