Lemonpillow Funny Status Messages

   I Wish 2010 Brings You 12 Months of Happiness,52 Weeks of Fun,365 Days of Success,8760 Hours of Good Health, 52600 Minutes of Good Luck and 3153600 Seconds of Joy!

   ..New Year's Resolution: Drink More. Fall Down Less. She'll put that to the test tonight.

   May your troubles last as long as your New Years Resolutions!

   Youth is when you're allowed to stay up late and see the New Years in. Middle age is when you're forced to.

   HDTV: where the channels are still crap..but a much clearer and colorful crap.

   The National Eczema Association are currently fundraising. They've just launched a scratch card.

   Now that food has replaced sex,I can't even get into my own pants.

   Life is too complicated in the morning.

   A New Year's resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other.

   Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.

   Wearing a turtleneck is like being strangled by a weak man all day. Wearing a backpack & a turtleneck is lke being strangled by a weak man as a dwarf tries to pull you down.

   I woke up this morning and my friend said "Did you sleep good?" I said "No. I made a few mistakes."

   I remember when the candleshop caught on fire. Everyone just stood around singing "Happy Birthday".

   Bills travel at twice the speed through the post than cheques.

   I have kleptomania. But when it get's bad,i take something for it.

   OFFICE MEMO: Mrs. Waite is doing all my work today. If you're in a rush for it,go to Helen Waite

   If a mute kid swears,does his mother wash his hands out with soap?

   Whoever decided that a one inch Mars bar should be called 'fun size' needs to seriously re-examine their standards for entertainment.

   n't it annoying when you accidentally drop something like a bread crumb into your keyboard and you have to get ighhghghghghhghghbhbhghgbhbhbggggggggggggh

   Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition.