Czovczov Funny Status Messages

   I only fall for women that are cold, damaged and empty inside. That way I don't get accused of up a good thing.

   Today is the sixth of September, also known as 6/9. A calendar somewhere must be having fun right now.

   Booze may be a man's worst enemy… but only a coward runs from his enemy.

   I asked my mom one time why I was white and she was black. She said, " the way I remember the party you're lucky you don't bark."

   Relationships are all about finding someone that completely trusts you. In other words, naive.

   My wife hates it when I drink. Or breathe.

   It's impossible for a woman to say 'I'm not overreacting' without screaming.

   Many women say a guy who makes them laugh is all they want. They fail to mention all the things it takes to put them in the mood to laugh.

   When is decency going to be cool again?

   What doesn't kill you is probably a poison made in China.

   My boss hates it when I shorten his name to D!ck, Especially since his name is Steve.

   Might love you quicker if you bring me more Liquor.

   The sexual tension was so thick you could cut it with a phone call from the wife.

   The most humbling, terrifying, self-reflective moment in a man's life is when he realizes his beautiful daughter is attached to a v@gina.

   Dear lady who says she will only date guys who drive Mercedes or BMW cars, yet your father drives a Hyundai; Why can't you be humble like your mother?

   The only time I can't hold my liquor is when I have a bong in one hand and a lighter in the other.

   My wife is upset, apparently I'm breathing wrong again.

   I can tell by the way you give me instructions that you've dealt with a lot of dumb people before me.

   We only stalk the ones we love.

   Everyone is addicted to something that takes away the pain.