Aaron Funny Status Messages

   I can finally use that one watch I never figured out how to adjust

   You had me at an extra hour of sleep.

   you'll always be my hero. even though you've lost your mind

   I'm thinking of leaving my body to science. Even scientists need a good laugh now and then.

   She says I keep pushing her buttons. If that were true, I would have found 'mute' by now.

   And don't even get me started on statements with no context.

   First 5 people to like this shall receive a hand crafted statue of me wrestling an invisible bear.

   They say do what you love & the money will follow. I love doing nothing. We'll see.

   So I'm giving up drinking. Hard liquor. On Wednesdays. In June. Next year. (Maybe.)

   Anyone who says laughter is the best medicine has never had morphine.

   "Hi, one ticket for 'The Social Network,' please."

   It's really hard raising a child by yourself, I don't know how my T.V. does it.

   I'll be spending most of today putting Santa hats on all my Halloween decorations.

   I'm ok with my masculinity, enough to eat a Blow Pop in public. But I won't swallow the gum.

   I'm no longer addicted to carving jack-o-lanterns. All thanks to the pumpkin patch.

   If I were a pilot I would scream "WE'RE GOING DOWN" every time I landed the plane.

   I'm in one of those moods that only a virgin sacrifice will appease.

   Dear Customer Service: First of all, you should know that I'm typing this with my middle finger.

   Life is a journey, with plenty of stops at the liquor store to make it bearable.

   Anybody wanna come and drink dinner with me?