Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   You would think dressing spiders up as clowns would make them less scary, but it doesn't, it's way worse, I was so wrong on this one.

   all my mistakes have had names.

   Heard a rap song that didn't mention money, cars or hoes...Now i'm frantically trying to remember whether I took the blue or green pill!

   Screw you guys who say you like crazy but when you meet true crazy you back off.

   "Sometimes you have to be really high, to see how small you really are, I'm going home now." - Felix Baumgartner

   The slower the kiss, the easier for love to slip through.

   Love is not only for lovers, it is also felt by friends who understand each other more than lovers.

   Yuck. There's nothing more disgusting than cigarette butts in the urinal.. What's worse is that their so d@$% hard to light!

   I would probably leave my wife at this gas station if I knew how to make sandwiches.

   I don't trust Penguins. I know you can fly!

   Having a p enis doesn't make you a man. Getting mad at some Ikea wood pieces after not reading the instructions makes you a real man.

   Music doesn't deserve our bad memories.

   Quick! Marry me, I'll explain later.

   A broken spirit doesn't stay broken forever. When it's whole again, God have mercy on my tormenters, because I won't.

   to all bullies out there enjoying what they do: One day you will have kids too...have fun when they get bullied, I know I will! ;)

   "Balloon boy" and his Dad are watching this launch, envious on an incalculable level!

   Now accepting wagers as to which will be the faster and more prolific descent today: Felix Baumgartner space jump or the Buffalo Bills....

   Cortana dies at the end of Halo 4. There, I just saved you 6 hours of your life.

   Ladies, if he's wearing a hat in every picture; guess what's under that hat. Yep, nothing…

   Guys, if her FB is full of pictures but none of her; run, run like the wind…