Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I entered the word bit*h into my GPS and guess what, I'm in your driveway!!

   canceling my subscription!! I'm tired of your issues.

   I think Jerry Springer should moderate the next debate.

   I wished I was in a gang so I'd know what to do with my hand in pictures

   I'm glad that "worchestershire" isn't a word we have to use everyday! I would appear retarded.

   I think it's safe to assume that 1991 Ice Cube would kill 2012 Ice Cube

   I would never make fun of a fat person at the gym. At least they are trying to do something about it and deserve cheers not jeers.

   When a grammar Nazi gets sad and lonely, give them a hug and say, "There, their, they're."

   The trickiest tongue twister in the English is apparently '"Sixth sick sheik's sixth sheep's sick''. Give it a try and see for yourself

   After a one night stand I scream stranger danger repeatedly until they leave.

   Obama has 99 problems but Mitt ain't one.

   Excuse me for the lack of updates lately. I'm really busy growing a mustache.

   Sarcasm is humor with an attitude.

   Kanye West would be proud of the amount of times the two candidates interrupted each other tonight.

   The best curve on a girl is her smile. Lol just kidding, look at dat ass.

   A world where your intellect is measured by 'Followers' and 'Likes'.

   You know how America votes off contestants on Dancing With The Stars....That would be such a great idea on Keeping Up with the Kardashians.

   Heyy I changed my car horn to gun shot sound...People move out the way much faster now ;-))

   Ask Romney to name the ramen flavors since he knows the struggle.

   Millions Head To Internet To Figure Out Their Own Opinions About Debate...