Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   2021 will be decided by what the Chinese will eat this christmas

   Can you catch Covid-19 from someone's fart? I'm in an elevator and we're all dying from someone's flatulence in here...Ugh!

   I wonder if Santa will be wearing a mask during his visit to my house this year?

   If by white privilege you mean knowing all the words to Dancing Queen ... then yeah. I’ve got that.

   One of the most cherished memories of Christmastime at my house when I was a kid was my mom putting out even more towels that I wasn't allowed to use.

   Don't forget that the guy who's the reason for the season loves you! And I don't mean Sam Walton.

   Just checked my bank account and it looks like everyone is getting text messages for Christmas.

   When you drive an old air-cooled Volkswagen a essential oil is dw40.

   LADIES.. ! Please stop asking Santa for the perfect man..I've been kidnapped 3 times this week !!

   You can only listen to so much Barry Gibb.

   Dear Santa, To be safe I'll be staying home for Christmas, so please just drop my presents on my porch and don't bother coming down the chimney. Thanks!

   Walking In a Winter Wonderland" is a great Christmas song for Southerners to keep in mind since they don't know how to drive in it.

   "Walking In a Wonderland" is a great Christmas song for Southerners to keep in mind since they don't know how to drive in it.

   I feel confidence they're going to be able to hammer out a stimulus deal by Christmas.....of 2021

   Just got kicked out of Walmart for having a concealed belly button.

   The doctor said to spread my legs wider for the exam. Going to the optometrist is kind of fun.

   People say they're not having the vaccine because they don't know what's in it, yet they'll walk into McDonald's and order a McRib sandwich.

   I date black girls because I don’t have to worry aboutt meeting their dads

   Getting clothes for Christmas is like getting vegetables for your birthday. Yeah, you need them, but that doesn't make them appropriate.

   Lexus commercial: husband surprises wife with a new car in the driveway. I surprise both of them by shooting it with a paintball gun