Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 312 of 6383
B4 sliced Bread, what was the Greatest thing ?
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12-27-2020 06:59
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Look. Those Christmas Walmart roll back prices are only for believers in the baby Jesus!
Before my surgery, the anesthesiologist offered to knock me out with gas or a boat paddle. It was an ether/oar situation.
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12-25-2020 08:10
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Elf on a Shelf? WTF? Back in my day, if a doll came to life, it murdered your whole family and everyone you loved. Kids are too coddled these days.
Somewhere there is a Mom yelling “ I swear I’ll take all this crap back”
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12-24-2020 19:02 by Douglas
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I know some surfer chicks who started a prostitution ring. They call themselves the Wavy Lays.
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12-24-2020 14:50 by Fazzy
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Some drink from fountain of knowledge others just gargle
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12-24-2020 10:34 by Patsfan
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Outlook for the rest of winter ... Criss de colisse de tabarnak?!?
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12-23-2020 22:34
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Can someone please go to MeWe and Parlor and wish them a Merry Christmas.
Just because you have a guitar, Christmas outfit and the Christmas tree doesn't necessarily mean you have the talent to sing on Facebook.
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12-23-2020 18:13
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Forget the past for you cannot change it. Forget the future for you cannot predict it. And while you're at it forget the present because I didn't get you one this year.
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12-23-2020 13:13
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Don't forget to wave smile and wish your neighbors a Merry Christmas who are kind like Facebook friends you might not really know either, but live closer.
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12-23-2020 11:01 by Moon
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I can’t wait for my bank account to say $601.50
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12-23-2020 02:48 by Flegmily
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If $1200 was crumbs. What is $600 a bite
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12-22-2020 20:01 by Lonnie
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16 and pregnant was supposed to scare you hoes not inspire you
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12-22-2020 15:30
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Now that I am woke and want to make amends for my hateful act of being born white, I want reparations for all the money I spent at Pottery Barn over the years.
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12-22-2020 07:33 by Fazzy
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Apparently running around Walmart with alka-seltzer running out of my mouth screaming, “The vaccine isn’t working!”, isn’t funny.
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12-22-2020 00:55
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Walking in a winter wonderland still beats driving a Ford !
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12-21-2020 19:49
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BLOCK ME & best believe I’m downloading that text free app. We ain’t done yet.
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12-21-2020 19:49
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Did you know that the sentence "Are you as bored as I am" can be read backwards and still makes sense?
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12-21-2020 16:20 by Moon
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