Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   My Wife says I talk in my sleep which I find it funny because nobody at work has ever mentioned it

   The reason it's called Mother Nature is because if it were Father Nature the weather would be a lot more predictable

   if you come to my house for Halloween don't be surprised if you see a couple of scary goblins....I sometimes forget to button my housecoat.

   Star Wars 7 will be coming out now. I think this is gonna be the one where Pee Wee trys to steal his bike back from Ernest

   onions $2.98, wooden sticks $3.50, cellophane $5.00 handing out caramel covered onions for halloween priceless

   Looking forward to seeing what exciting new Star Wars adventures will be cooked up by the dream factory that brought us Mars Needs Moms!

   Move over Belle and Jasmine... Leia is the new #1 Disney Princess...

   A long time ago in a galaxy far far away.... Disney bought out Lucasfilms

   a guy can f¥ck you for a year straight and still not like one thing about you

   If you decide to dress up as Lance Armstrong for this Halloween, just remember to give all the candy back at the end of the night.

   I got drunk and put Icy Hot on my balls once. Can't recommend it...

   Hear those Screams ??? That's not over Halloween scares. Its Star Wars fans freaking out. Walt Disney bought LucasFilms for $4 Billion dollars. Episode 7 will be released in 2015. I'm wondering how Sheldon Cooper and the rest of the gang on "Big Bang Theo

   I wonder how much aid we'll get from all those countries we bail out everytime in rains there??

   Nudes are often ppl you do not want to see naked at all.

   The best thing about Youtube videos is when they have managed to keep the good VHS quality.

   Wow, you're sweet in long distance! Maybe a long distance relationship could work.

   Im convinced that the Galaxy Note 2 is for basketball players

   The hurricane Sandy is Not available in your country ! We are sorry for the inconvenience.

   "Continental Breakfast". What is continental with jam, bread and coffee/tea?

   If you play Justin Bieber backwards you get hidden messages from the devil himself to pull yourself together and listen to something else.