lemonpillow Funny Status Messages

   Happy 75th Birthday,Elvis!

   Patience is the ability to let your light shine after your fuse has blown

   Lawyers are like rhinoceroses: thick-skinned, short-sighted and always ready to charge.

   ..is at home taking care of mum after her accident..she fell in front of a man and ended up with a big bump. A bit like how I was conceived,really ..

   ..if I want to hear the pitter patter of tiny feet ,i'll put shoes on my cats!

   Someone came up to me and said "T.G.I.F. Thank god its Friday!" I replied "S.H.I.T. Sorry hun,it's Thursday."

   ..can't wait for a nice English summer. The warmth,the sun,the clear blue skies..it will be a nice couple of days...

   Nudist Camp sign: "Sorry, Clothed for Winter".

   Snow: where a couple of inches will keep a woman in bed all day.

   A blind man walks into a shop with his dog. Suddenly,the man picks up the dog by the tail and swings it around his head. The horrified shopkeeper asks "Excuse me,sir?? Can I help you?". Blind man says "No thanks. Just having a look around."

   Last week I sent my friend a pile of snow. I called her today and asked "Did you get my drift?"

   ..i thought it was sweet of my boss to gather us all together and warn us of the massive amounts of snow expected overnight and to drive carefully... then also warn us to "show up to work tomorrow or else". Aww they really DO care!

   ..is tired of waking up to his antics so she set a trap last night..Jack Frost won't be nipping any noses now for a LONG time..

   ...its -4 out and snow is on it's way tomorrow...so much for this global warming they talk about...although they'll probably blame the cold on the hole in the ozone layer or cow farts...

   ..it's so cold that Britney Spears made sure she was wearing underwear before she went out.

   ..wonders what the best thing was BEFORE slice bread came along.

   I put on my favorite winter jacket for the first time the other day, and as soon as I put my hands in those pockets, I was immediately reminded that last year I didn't have any money, either.

   ...thinks the "vamps" in Twilight and New Moon look like a cross between The Cure & NSYNC..ooohh..such shiny white fangs too!

   ..if people say they're "as honest as the day is long" does that mean they become less truthful in the winter?

   A man's New Year's resolution of no sex, no beer,no football,no nights out with the guys and no porn started today. He just got married..