SuthernFukr Funny Status Messages

   "They're meh." --Tony the Tiger, off his Paxil for a few days

   Around here we commonly refer to our intellectual property as 'our sh!t'.

   If you emphasize the po in police they're probably already after you.

   A heads up to girls on Facebook .. if your status says "single" and your profile picture is you with your cat - Well then that is why

   I call bullsh!t on these retro bottles of Coca-Cola. They make you add your own cocaine.

   According to WebMC, I be illin'.

   How exactly is carrying a screaming two year old different from playing the bagpipes?

   I just drank a manly Dr. Pepper 10 and now my balls are too big to fit in my pants.

   "Nobody panics when things go according to plan. Even if the plan is horrifying." - The Joker

   Always have a fake name at the ready so you don't tell the cops something stupid, like "Andrew Granola."

   In grade school it's called bullying but when you get older it's referred to as upper level management.

   It's too bad you can't punch someone's personality.

   Why is it that people who drink energy drinks seem like the people with the least amount of sh!t going on?

   HEY PEOPLE DRIVING IN SNOW, IF TRAFFIC'S REALLY BAD MAKE SURE YOU TAKE YOUR EYES OFF THE ROAD AND TYPE IN A TWEET ABOUT IT, OK?

   My vet has more hair coming out of his ears than my dog. Pretty rad.

   Want to hurt someone's confidence? Shoot them with a gun.

   I should probably press charges on myself after the shower I just took.

   My girl keeps her hair short so instead of holding back her hair when she pukes, I keep her boobs out of the way. I'm nice like that.

   A team of researchers has concluded that the "G-spot" doesn't exist. Thank God. Now I can just focus on finding my remote.

   Saw a Cougar wearing a Leopard coat, driving a Jaguar. It's a jungle out there.