Lemonpillow Funny Status Messages

   ..i bought a pair of shoes called "Dyke". It has an extra large tongue and it gets off with just one finger.

   ...wanted to buy some goose feathers but couldn't afford the down payment..

   Wrinkles are hereditary. Mothers and fathers get them from their children.

   ..doesn't go looking for trouble. She knows exactly where to find it!

   ..i had lunch with a chess player today. It took him 20 minutes to pass the salt.

   I wouldn't mind public transportation if it wasn't for the public.

   I'm pretty sure I had a good time last night. Let me finish reading the police report and i'll let you know.

   ..is so blonde,she thought a thesaurus was a dinosaur.

   Makeup can make you look pretty on the outside. But it doesn't help if you're ugly on the inside. Unless you eat the makeup.

   How many divorced men does it take to change a lightbulb? No one knows. They never keep the house.

   Where there's smoke, the possibility exists I might be cooking...

   These internet scams must make it difficult for legitimate Nigerian officials to share huge sums of money with strangers

   ..met her ex at the gym. We didnt workout..

   ..is having car problems. The car won't start and the payments won't stop.

   It's been scientifically proven that chocolate contains a shrinking ingredient. It shrinks your clothing!

   ..pays her bills with a smile. Most creditors,however,would prefer cash..

   So far this year, my hindsight is only 20/10.

   ..thinks some people here have the mentality of a retarded turtle. But it's nice to see that monkeys can actually type these days. I knew that £2 a month I was donating towards the RSPCA would come to some good. Keyboard monkeys. Who'da thunk it?

   .menstruation, menopause, mental breakdowns... ever notice how most womens probIems begin with men?

   Aliens are coming to Earth on Monday to abduct all the good looking and sexy people. You will be safe, but I just wanted to say goodbye.