paulb808 Funny Status Messages

   Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.

   like the real live version of the state fair..

   My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.

   I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom took away his WII, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own a$$

   you know you've been in a long relationship when you start retiring sex toys

   So, someone in Olympia Washington stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That sums up my day....you?

   I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy D!ck are the same person..

   i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me

   I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll have sex with me

   Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint

   i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.

   Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...

   If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it

   Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.

   Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?

   I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.

   watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide

   call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight

   I bet him anul if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week

   I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my a$$.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M