cj Funny Status Messages

   Toy Story must have been written by a woman. Who else would name their toys Woody and Buzz!!

   Dear Yellow Pages delivery guy, Could you please just deliver those to my recycle bin......it'll save me a step.

   Just because I liked your status, doesn't mean I actually read it. More to make you feel like someone actually cares about what you have to say.

   You people that are all cleaned up with the tree out of the house need to stop showing off. The rest of us are drowning in cardboard boxes and pine needles.

   I hate the smell of Walmart when I walk in. It smells like old beer and subway. Merry Christmas everyone!

   So here's the deal... If I wanna hear about god or religion I'll go to church... So, if I delete you... You know why, Just a heads up....

   Pretending that the laser pointer app on your phone tells you if your kid brushed his teeth good enough..priceless!

   IHOP is like Walmart but with pancakes.

   Think about this. Somebody in the world right now couldn't imagine life without you. That alone should give you the strength to smile.

   “So you think that money is the root of all evil. Have you ever asked what is the root of all money?

   Do you know why Californians love Thanksgiving Day?...It's the only time of year they get to see natural breast!

   God must love stupid people. He made so many.

   FOR SALE BY OWNER: Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica, 45 volumes. Excellent Condition. $1,000 or best offer. No longer needed, got married last month. Wife knows everything."

   Laughter burns calories.

   Wasn't it beautiful when you believed in everything, and everybody believed in you?

   Guess who just discovered the bipolar emoticon? :):

   The only time I've ever had a chip on my shoulder was when I tried to dump the entire bag into my mouth at once.

   Have you noticed each generation is getting ruder and shorter?

   When I say “Nevermind.” I really mean you should've listened the first time

   Wow The ones u'd take a bullet for are the ones holding the trigger!!