YODA Funny Status Messages

   Hey lady in the other car, eating and talking on your cell phone. It's called a Ford Focus...not a Ford Multi-task

   If they give you a bib for lobster, they should definitely give you a diaper for Indian food

   If a room is spinning, it doesn't mean the world revolves around you... you may have just had too much to drink....

   I confess, for years I thought "assless chaps" were skinny British dudes

   Happy Halloween... may all of your skeletons stay in the closet where they belong! ;-)

   R.I.P. Lou Reed... hope you're now taking a walk on the wild side....

   don't cry over spilled milk... it could have been beer...

   I fell on the floor last night... good thing the 5 second rule didn't apply

   Sometimes I'm more confused than a baby in a topless bar...

   If you’re going to walk on thin ice, you may as well dance....

   I just sprayed Citrus Fabreeze in my bathroom... Now it smells like Sh*trus

   Meaningless statistics are up 17% today

   Life can sometimes be like photography… you need the "negatives" to "develop"

   my husband says I have multiple personalities... well 4 can play that game...

   Paula Deen dropped by Food Network for racial slurs.. she has no one to blame butter self...

   the secret to my success was knowing who to blame for my failures...

   Women who think the way to a man's heart is thru his stomach are aiming too high... jest saying

   Last night I realized that 3.5 inches could totally satisfy me... Yep, I went shopping with my new credit card!

   I bet the man who discovered milk felt awkward when he had to explain why he was doing that to a cow in the first place...

   it sucks when you forget to shake the ketchup and you get the gross juice all over your fries..