SEDDY90 Funny Status Messages

   You know that movie Anaconda? They filmed it in my pants

   If chains and whips excite rihanna then why did she break up with Chris Brown ?

   Can't believe I forgot my wife was on her period. Boy is my face red.

   I'm the type of boy who can set the kitchen on fire by just getting a bowl of cereal.

   We do it on the bed,on the kitchen counter,on the floor and in the backseat of a car.Gosh...we text EVERYWHERE!

   I didn't slap you...I just high-fived your face :)

   Like if you always wonder why people in cartoons never change their clothes.

   Sometimes I think that my parents had me just so I could clean the house for them.

   Women have to deal with periods and pregnancy. Men have to deal with Women. It's all about balance.

   I asked my wife why her facebook password was SneezySleepyDopeyDocHappyBashfulGrumpy she said it needed to be seven characters

   My wife would buy anything. Just this afternoon I came home to find a naked man in her closet.

   like If you ever Scream at Dora because whatever she's looking for, is right behind her...!!!!

   My Chemistry teacher asked me if I know the symbol compound of sodium hydrogen. I said NaH.

   evEr nitoced how hwrd it is to tpye wiht yuor left hnd whsilt you are wnaking?

   I've just bought a Dalmatian puppy. And I've found out if you join all the dots together with a marker pen... ...it doesn't wash off.

   "The tragedy of life is not that it ends so soon, but that we wait so long to begin it.

   As a girl walks into a typical club, she mentally prepares to be hit on by everything with a penis.

   Bruno mars is catching grenades and Taio Cruz is using dynamite, well it's obvious they've been playing COD..#blackops

   Like if you dont think ..3x-7y+(1/2)b.. really gonna help you in life?

   Spongebob, it's been over 11 years. You're not getting your drivers license.