Reznor Funny Status Messages

   Well I failed my drivers test today. The instructor asked me what I do at Redlights, and I said, "Text and Facebook"

   When I go to Subway and a guy makes my sandwhich, it just doesnt taste the same...

   OK if you really want me to watch soccer so be it. but for the life of me I don't understand why the counter counts up????

   quit criticizing the girls that take slutty pics and put them on Facebook! I like looking at them you homo!

   These bathsalts sure do make me feel funny.....

   1990: I like big butts and I can not lie! 2005: Booty, booty, booty, booty- rockin everywhere! 2011: Ass, ass, ass, ass, ass, ass!

   Ive saved a ton of money on Birthday Cards by switching to Facebook!

   This drug sniffing dog was a great investment! He already found 2 bags of weed I thought I had lost!

   I told the monster in my closet that if he came out of the closet he would be gay. Problem solved! #Winning

   Thumbs up if you still kicking it old skool without the timeline........

   I wasnt that drunk man. Dude you asked a bum if you could bum a cig.

   Ive been to the good side. The cookies were stale.

   Since I cant afford the gas to go on vacation anytime soon, I'm gonna drink until I dont know where I am!

   Roses are red. Rotting flesh is green. When the dead start to rise, I want you on my team!!!!

   Happy Mushy-Card-Nasty-Candy-in-a-Heart-Shaped-Box-Big-Balloon-That-Barely-Fits-in-Your-Car-And-You-Can't-See-to-Back-Up-$75-Rose s-That-Can-be-Bought-Tomorrow-for-$20-but-Must-be-Sent-to-"Prove"-Your-Love-Stand-In-Line-for-Two-Hours-to-Eat Day!! <HATE

   Drinks: $80. Dinner: $75. The room: $250. The look on his face when she says "I'm on my period": Priceless.

   Ahhhh My Facebook wall filled with pics of new lap tops, cellphones, cameras and countless trips to the tattoo parlor. There is either a sale at Walmart or its Tax time in America!

   Ghetto word of the day: Detest. Usage: That ho be trippin. I aint her baby daddy! I gotta go take detest on Maury!

   Dear ladies: If you're tired of guys staring at your boobs, just turn around. We like asses too.

   If being sarcastic burned calories, Id look like half of an Olsen Twin.