Nipper Funny Status Messages

   You can learn a lot about a woman by watching her load a gun.

   Although no words have been spoken, I'm pretty sure the dude in the next stall just challenged me to a beat-boxing contest.

   I tried taking up the guitar recently to impress girls but they were disgusted when I could only get the neck in.

   When is National Slap a Co-worker Day? Please say tomorrow

   Oh... you were saying 'good boy' to the dog? Guess I'll just put these back on. Awkward.

   Found a grey pubic hair today. I didn’t freak out too much but the others in the elevator looked terrified.

   Welcome to Celebrity Impersonators Club. Please have a seat. There's plenty of Chers.

   I have to sit in the passenger seat of a car driven by a 16 yr old with a learner's permit you don't scare me.

   We need to start worrying about what kind of world we are going to leave for Keith Richards.

   I can keep a secret like nobody's business.

   Note to self... the shower curtain cannot save you from falling.

   I hate it when my kid starts crying in the middle of the night and I have to get up to close the bedroom door.

   Your tongue is a very powerful muscle. It's strong enough to get your feaking teeth knocked out...

   I'm extremely happy which can only mean that life is going to get real fucky here any minute.

   My dyslexia has reached a new owl.

   Just because nobody complains doesn't mean all parachutes are perfect.

   I've just found my first grey pube............Don't think I'll order pizza from there again.

   Shower together because everyone likes to having their back washed.Just remember where the wall is in case you drop the soap.

   Welcome to laser noises club. Please take a pew, pew....pew!

   Now there is a tradition on facebook of all my female friends sending me naked selfies at Midnight ok, Its not me fb insists.