Maureen Funny Status Messages

   tries to read books that will make me look good if I die in the middle of reading them.

   My son just tried to claim that his room is not messy…that it is merely set up in obstacle-like manner to keep him fit.

   Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance: the five stages of me getting up every morning!

   does my BEST proofreading right after I hit send!

   Hey Customer Service - Instead of monitoring this call for quality purposes, how about you just listen to what I need and fix it?!?

   Why won't the machines just take over already? I'm tired of doing stuff.

   NOTE TO SELF – Do NOT set your password reminder as “You Should Know This!!”

   just finishing up my taxes and am now a little worried about my tax software. It just recommended I slip across the border into Mexico.

   thinks my three “uh huhs” in a row should prove that I haven't heard a word you said!

   When I die, I have made my husband promise to update my FB status with “Who knew they had Wi-Fi up here?!?”

   "Wish you were here" - me, thinking about the wine that is in the fridge

   just here to establish my alibi.

   swears that about a third of my life is spent trying to remember why I have entered a room.

   My son informed me that he does NOT lie. He simply creates fiction with his mouth from time to time.

   This healthy bran cereal tastes just like bacon because I threw it away and am now eating bacon.

   This delicious brownie just accepted my friend request!

   will drink responsibly when someone names a brand of alcohol “Responsibly.”

   lowercase letters: just like UPPERCASE letters, but without all the demand for attention

   finds that I tend to say “I don't know” when I'm too lazy to think.

   will be sponsoring a 0.25 mile fun run to raise awareness for people that I wish would just GO AWAY! I'm calling it the Kardashian Dash!