LEMONPILLOW Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon I haven't been to work in four days. I've almost forgotten how to play solitaire and minesweeper.
←Rate | 12-27-2010 10:51 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm dreaming of a white Christmas. But, if the white runs out, I'll drink the red
←Rate | 12-24-2010 13:37 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Local girl Joanna Mow leaps to her death on her birthday... Your middle name wouldn't be Ronny would it ,Jo?
←Rate | 12-21-2010 16:05 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon An office Christmas party is not a good time to ask the boss for a raise. Wait until the next day when you have pictures.
←Rate | 12-21-2010 15:17 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon No matter how old you are, an empty Christmas wrapping paper tube is still a light saber.
←Rate | 12-20-2010 14:04 by lemonpillow Comments (1)  


   messageicon "When they're not fighting or racing light cycles, I'll bet the citizens of TRON spend a lot of time on the phone with tech support" -Conan OBrien
←Rate | 12-20-2010 14:02 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon There's nothing like a visit from an out of town friend to point out how little I actually know about the city I live in.
←Rate | 12-14-2010 18:28 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Do they know it's christmas time at all?" Yeah they should. They made most of the presents.
←Rate | 12-13-2010 09:08 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Cheer up Prince Charles! They only vandalised your car with a bit of white paint. It's not like they deliberately chased your car into a tunnel during the night and murdered you.
←Rate | 12-13-2010 03:44 by lemonpillow Comments (7)  


   messageicon Sociologists say San Francisco's birth rate is projected to decline sharply in the next decade. I'm actually rather surprised San Francisco has a birth rate.
←Rate | 12-12-2010 12:02 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon I always try to be unusually kind and compassionate to those around me during the holidays, because I never know who will end up being my Secret Santa.
←Rate | 12-12-2010 11:53 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Attention Please: Christmas has been canceled. Apparently when you told Santa you've been good this year, he died laughing.
←Rate | 12-08-2010 15:58 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Adam and Eve had an ideal marriage. He didn't have to hear about all the men she could have married, and she didn't have to hear about the way his mother cooked.
←Rate | 12-08-2010 14:12 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon ■I'm going to protect my statuses on Christmas this year so Santa can't “know when I'm not sleeping or know when I'm awake.” Take that!
←Rate | 12-06-2010 19:09 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Here's a picture of me with the band REM. That's me in the corner.
←Rate | 12-05-2010 12:16 by lemonpillow Comments (4)  


   messageicon The happiest people don't have the best of everything, they just make the best of everything they have.
←Rate | 11-25-2010 07:07 by lemonpillow Comments (8)  


   messageicon I hate to see my food go to waist.
←Rate | 11-23-2010 13:31 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'll stop at nothing to avoid using negative numbers.
←Rate | 11-21-2010 19:08 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just signed a 10 million dollar contract to play for the Cowboys next year. Now, I just need to get them to sign it.
←Rate | 11-21-2010 12:52 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon I can't believe I got sacked from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.
←Rate | 11-21-2010 11:50 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  




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