JEBI Funny Status Messages

   You must be a Jedi Master...cuz yodalicious....

   I think Miley's tongue is trying to escape...

   I just explained Google images to my mom. "Pick anything to search for..." I told her. "What about a nice cream pie?" She asked... "Except that." I replied

   I'm sorry Will and Kate...but every baby born is a prince or princess

   I can tell people are judgemental just by looking at them...

   Pretty sure the guy who named them "walkie talkies" got fired before he could name other military equipment...

   Why is there Head & Shoulders shampoo. who has hair on their shoulders. whos shampooing their shoulder hair. please come forward.

   Walk up in the club like "what's the wifi password here?"

   My friend said to me, "you should start drinking Ensure" and I said, "if I'm going replace a meal with a beverage its going to be beer..."

   It should really be called 'teethpaste'

   A smile is way better than a duck face...

   Ya know, "American Pie" ruined it for any kid who really did have an amazing story about band camp.

   If your grandma's furniture is wrapped in plastic... Well it's probably because she's a squirter...

   My car was stolen last night..I was going to call the police but then I thought 'nevermind...I'll let him try explain the bodies in the trunk...'

   I don't know what's longer: a microwave minute or a treadmill minute...

   I have a USB drive on my keys so that if I'm ever dying in public I can hand it to a stranger and shout "Get this to the President before.."

   If you park in the 'C' section of the hospital parking lot...do you have to climb out of the sunroof?

   Scratching off a lotto ticket before you leave the store is a good way of letting people know that your life isn't going according to plan....

   Some of you ladies need to take it easy on the make up. You look like you were the first person to pass out at an Avon party...

   I just saved a bunch of money on my sons college education by introducing him to weed...