Geez Funny Status Messages

   I love sleep so much that its the first thing I think about when I wake up....

   I'm not sure If I just pulled a groin muscle working out, but I am walking funny and I sound like Mike Tyson...

   In the past, people got fired putting that they hate their job on facebook. well I HATE MY JOB! I HATE MY JOB! --hope this works for me.

   Unwritten Rule of the Day: Don't make eye contact while eating a banana...

   I just saw Inception and I'm pretty sure I dreamt that movie the other night...

   I can't afford the shakeweight, but I wish there was another activity that I can apply the principles to...

   according to the color of my pee, I had a great night last night!

   St. Anthony just asked me if I have seen his keys...

   My apartment is where weird foreigners go to have a loud conversation right outside of...

   If ESPN had a cake show, they could call it "Laying Down a Bundt."

   I never realized how many people I hate until I got on facebook...

   I just ordered a cup of coffee from a BP gas stations and the attendant spilled it... why am I not surprised!

   My ex-girfriend has a seashell tattoo on her inner thigh... if you put your ear to it, I swear you could smell the ocean!

   I stood in front of a mirror for 10 minutes to watch myself blink... I missed it everytime!

   What you call sex ed, I call Saturday night...

   The Nigerian goalkeeper is refunding money for anybody that was disappointed with their performance at the World Cup. He said, a representative will contact you via email. Please give them your bank account #s and pin information...

   Censored Snoop Doggy Dogg songs on the radio sound like two AT&T customers having a conversation on the phone.

   To sum up: yes, I cried like a baby during Toy Story 3, even more than I did at the end of The Human Centipede.

   Actors in India must hate always being type-caste!

   Man tried to hitch on an Airbus by hiding inside the landing tire... people say he was terminally ill! what a turbulent life...