Fazzella Funny Status Messages

   Everytime we go out for pizza, calzone and garlic knots, my girl always has to ruin the evening by ordering a salad.

   KFC Announces The Hillary Special: Two Fat Thighs, Two Small Breasts, One Chicken Neck and a Left Wing.

   Recording production standards are at an all time high, while 90% of all music is listened to on smart phone speaker that's smaller than a dime, or earbuds which in most cases fall short of real sonic replication.

   After watching the Olympics Opening Ceremonies last night, I'm going to say it'll be pretty safe there for the next two weeks. Even terrorists and Zika carrying mosquitoes are feeling sorry for Brazil.

   Single woman, 29, into parachuting, mountain climbing, skiing, track and field. Has slight limp.

   Some woman just gave me a hard time for smoking my whole life. She said if I didn't smoke, I could afford a Maserati. I asked her if she ever smoked and she said, "Never." I go, "Where's your Maserati?"

   When I meet a woman, I don't care where she works, what she likes to eat, who she's been dating or been married to. I wanna know if we start seeing each other, how long before I no longer have to hold in my f@rts.

   Cable Company Rep: Okay, sir. You ordered the premium cable service, land line phone, and high speed internet. Would you like our WiFi too? Me: Oh, no. No way. Absolutely not! Cable Company Rep: Sir, I said our WiFi not our wife.

   It's not difficult to tell crocodiles and alligators apart. One you will see after a while, whereas the other, you will see them later.

   So Hillary's VP plays harmonica. That's all we need. More blowing in the Oval Office.

   Bill Clinton also woke up in a White House built by sl@ves. Okay, Monica didn't actually build it nor was she a sl@ve, well sorta...

   If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first ? The dog, of course; He'll shut up once you let him in.

   Black Olives Matter

   I'm trying to locate a girl from high school. You know, the one who could tie a cherry stem with her tongue.

   Pokemon Lives Matter

   I thought that Pokemon Go was a facebook app that encourages Jamaicans to use the Poke feature.

   Kat Denning's b00bs are the life preservers which save 2 Broke Girls.

   Q.What do you call a dog with 2 inch legs and metal b@lls. A. Sparky

   An asteroid and volcanic eruptions wiped out the dinosaurs. Technology and the misuse of it will wipeout mankind.

   A Dog Calls 911: 911: What's the emergency? Dog: My owner threw a ball but I can’t find it 911: Did you check his hand? Dog: Of course I checked his han—DANGIT!!!!!