Dopey420 Funny Status Messages

   As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two...

   Why does the 30 minutes before work go by so fast, causing me to be late. But the last 30 minutes go by slow, causing me to be pissed off.

   Mirrors don't talk, but lucky for you they don't laugh either

   Thinks people get mad when you don't use korrect grammar and spelin, because they can't just copy/paste it to thier Facebook. Sorry you had to add a comma, it must be such an inconvenience.

   Two years ago I married a lovely young virgin, and if that doesn't change soon, I'm gonna divorce her.

   I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour said 'Are you going to help?' I said 'No, six should be enough.

   The best way to lie is to tell the truth, carefully edited truth.

   Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot them?

   If you're looking for sympathy, you'll find it in the dictionary between "sh!t" and "syphilis."

   Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

   If winning isn't everything why do they keep score?

   A TV can insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer.

   Little Johnny wrote to Santa, "I want a baby brother for christmas." Santa wrote back' "Send me your Mother. '

   ⓘ ⓦⓐⓢ ⓑⓞⓡⓔⓓ, ⓢⓞ ⓘ ⓓⓔ©ⓘⓓⓔⓓ ⓣⓞ ⓟⓤⓣ ⓛⓔⓣⓣⓔⓡⓢ ⓘⓝⓢⓘⓓⓔ ⓑⓤⓑⓑⓛⓔⓢ.

   ˙ǝןƃuɐ ʇuǝɹǝɟɟıp ɐ ɯoɹɟ pןɹoʍ ǝɥʇ ʇɐ ʞooן ɐ ƃuıʞɐʇ sı

   Remember when someone annoys you it takes 42 muscles in your face to frown BUT it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and bi**h slap them!

   Stalking is such a strong word. I prefer extreme follow the leader :)

   Baby,baby,baby ooh!" Mom: *walks in* Are you listening to justin bieber AGAIN..? Daughter: No I'm watchin PORN... Mom: Oh thank God

   What's six inches long, two and a half inches wide, and drives women wild?................................. Money

   girls should stick to girl's sports, such as hot oil wrestling and foxy boxing and such and such.